1977-September-23

Bilalian News

Men And Women Relationships In Western Society

Emam Wallace D. Muhammad

With the Name Allah (In the Name of God), the Gracious, the Compassionate.
As-Salaam-Alaikum

The family unit is the most important structure in a society. If there is no change brought about between the man and woman relationship in this Western world, there is little hope for the society. Children are the natural products of men-women relationships. Children cannot develop into healthy adults if all they have to survive in is a foul atmosphere during their formative years.

We are a part of the Western society, and if you will examine it carefully by looking at it with open eyes, you will see the demoralized and decayed state that we live in. The people who make up the society are less certain now about right and wrong than they have ever been before. If you look at any list of books that were published and sold in the last few years, you will find that the majority of the over one million sellers, or bestsellers, have had something to say about revolutionized methods and procedures to help countless numbers of people to help themselves establish mature and healthy relationships. A look at the content page of almost every popular magazine offers a key to successful behavior change or practical advice on husband keeping, wife keeping, child rearing, man-seduction, woman-seduction, how to increase your sex drive and appeal, how to live alone and like it, how to insult with tact, how to climb the ladder without getting caught knocking the other man down. "Why do I do (or say) those crazy things?" and endless other problematic ideas.

The popularity of this quality of literature and advertisement indicates that people in the society need help to get out of whatever misery they are in. It also indicates that family units and relationships between men and women have broken down or are on the verge of collapsing. The million dollar sales market that these books and magazines have reached indicates that people seek out, buy and utilize the suggested methods for attempting to successfully handle their particular problem.

Few people turn to common sense, common decency and spiritual leadership to find solutions to the problems. And this is where the answer is. The Bible teaches that man and woman should become one. Man and woman should respect each other. Women, especially, because of the great social and economic gains they have made, should reassess and evaluate their present status in society and their status with their men. We do not want the good old days back. We want the good new day. The good new day is clearly emphasized in the advertisement, "You've come a long way, Baby." The good old days are behind us, but if we were wise women and men, we would still have the "good old things with us from the good old days" as we enter the new day. The "good old things" would beautify the new and set a workable example for the children.

If there are children in a family unit, there should be unity between the father and mother. Respect for each other should always be shown, otherwise the children will be destroyed. Parents should not compete with each other for the love or attention of the child. They should not try to influence their children in order to use them against one another. Children should not become "conciliatory balls" that are bounced from mother to dad and vice-versa. Disunity between parents creates a terrible strain for the child and it places excessive demands on all involved. "Talk-wars" between parents in an attempt to get the "ear" of the child should be stopped.

The man in society should make all kinds of sacrifices to set a strong and positive example for his wife and children. He should give no cause for his authority to be disrespected. Generally, a woman looks for an excuse to ignore weak authority. This is not a weakness in her; it is one of her greatest strengths. A woman knows that she has to give birth to the new leaders of the world and society depends on her for its survival. If she does not produce healthy beings, society will come to an end. This very fact places the woman in a position of natural leadership. A woman will not trust her child's future to weak leadership. She will tear at her man and test him to make sure he is strong enough to guide, protect and provide for her children until they are mature enough to take care of themselves. This is the job of the mother

Management of the household is the primary responsibility of the woman. Men must respect the authority of their wives to manage the household because women have superior knowledge in this most important area. This area is the sensible rearing and moral development of her children —as well as the basic and fundamental needs of the home. As long as the woman assumes her responsibility, the husband should not interfere and contest her management. He should show confidence in her and he should support her management. If he takes this position, peace will prevail in the home. All discrediting criticism is best made away from the ears of the children.

It is the duty of the man to work to support his family. He must discipline himself by applying his willpower. He must learn to sacrifice, share and lead with fairness in order to maintain the strong family unit which is the foundation of our society. Some men want to make all decisions in a household. Some will even argue about the color of the baby's blanket or the shade of blue for the chair. This is foolish and shows no support for the woman's authority in the home.

The man must set a positive and strong example inside and outside of .the community. The role of the man in the community is as that of the legs to the body. He is to push for the rise and advancement of life, just as the purpose of the legs, are to lift the body up and carry it to its destination. The record he will establish at home as a son, brother, father or husband will be the rule for measuring his worth in community and public life.

Yours in service to Allah,
Wallace D. Muhammad